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Libertyville Divorce Blog

How divorce may affect children

Illinois parents who are thinking about ending their marriage might have heard that doing so can increase the risk of divorce for their children. It may also increase the likelihood that the children will develop emotional problems or not go to college. However, there may still be circumstances in which getting a divorce might be the better choice.

For example, marriages in which there is abuse may need to end. A couple also might have been through counseling and other efforts to repair their relationship without success. It might be obvious to the children that there are serious problems in the relationship. Parental stress as a result of these problems may also cause stress for children. If parents are unable to hide conflict from their children, divorce might be the better option.

Think of the children: Collaborative divorce is good for kids

Divorce becomes more complicated once you add children to the mix. How you handle the divorce can have long-lasting effects on their relationship with you and how they view marriage and divorce as an adult.

If you and your spouse are seeking a divorce and want to keep your children’s best interests at the center, a collaborative divorce is an option. 

Divorce reasons include infidelity, addiction

Some couples in Illinois who are getting a divorce may be doing so for one of a number of common reasons. For example, a couple might get a divorce because of infidelity. This could be emotional or physical, and it could be ongoing or a one-time incident. Another reason a couple may get divorced is because of money problems. This may not just be about not having enough money. It could also be over how money is spent or even a husband being upset that his wife makes more than he does.

Addiction is another issue that may lead to divorce. This includes not just addiction to drugs or alcohol but people who compulsively work too much or do other activities to the detriment of their relationships. Some couples face extraordinary circumstances that drive them apart. These could include the diagnosis of a serious illness or the death of a child.

Online dating can help build happier relationships

Many people in Illinois meet their partners through online dating, one of the most popular means for people to find romance. There are a number of dating sites available as well as smartphone apps geared to particular interests. From Tinder to Match, from OK Cupid to Bumble, the wide array of dating sites and applications allow interested people to make profiles and seek out potential partners whose interests and attractions match theirs.

Some people criticize online dating for introducing an e-commerce-like approach to dating, allowing people to "shop" for partners online. However, research has indicated that online dating can in fact be a great way to build stronger and longer-lasting relationships with higher levels of happiness and confidence than those who meet through traditional social networks. As people spend more and more of their time online, especially as smartphones and tablets are a constant feature of life, online dating has, in many ways, become simply dating.

Certain factors linked with higher chances of divorce

The individual circumstances driving Illinois couples to end their marriages vary, but, when researchers look at large groups, interesting risk factors emerge. Issues as diverse as divorced parents, educational achievement, gender of first child and physical appearance appear to influence the likelihood of people getting divorced.

Higher divorce rates among people whose parents got divorced have been attributed to being raised by parents who split. Studies that compared the divorce rates for adopted children, however, showed that nature played a greater role than nurture. Biological parentage influenced divorce rates. Genetic traits like impulsiveness or neuroticism might be straining relationships.

Recognizing the signs that a divorce might be the best option

As many Illinois couples know, making the decision to get a divorce is very difficult. Marital issues tend to evolve over a long period of time, and while a neutral party could look at the marriage and see what's wrong, those in the middle of the relationship have spent a long time adapting to the problems. However, there are some scenarios that can be taken as indicators that it is time for a marriage to end.

Untreated addiction to alcohol or drugs on the part of one spouse is a strong sign that a marriage might be headed for divorce. If repeated requests to seek treatment are ignored, the spouse might have to finally make a decision about their marriage.

How mediation can help in a divorce

When Illinois couples experience significant marital problems, divorce is often a consideration. While ending a marriage may be the best option for everyone, there is often much that needs to be resolved so the divorce can go forward with a minimum amount of pain and expense. While some couples are able to work out issues surrounding ongoing support, child custody and property division on their own, others need help from a third party.

One option that works for many couples is divorce mediation. Professionally trained mediators can provide a neutral ground for each party to express their needs and concerns so that they are better able to come to a resolution. Because the mediator does not work for one party or the other, spouses may feel more open to expressing their concerns.

Benefits of collaborative divorce

Illinois couples who are about to go through a divorce may be anxious about what it will be like. While some divorces are messy and contentious, it doesn't have to be that way. Opting for a collaborative divorce may make the process an easier one that takes the needs of all parties into account.

At the beginning of the collaborative process, each party will sign a contract. This contract states that both sides will act in good faith when interacting with each other. It also states that each side will be transparent with information related to the divorce proceeding. Finally, the couple agrees that they will be open-minded when it comes to settling their divorce. Unlike mediation, there is no third party to help guide the talks. Instead, it is on the couple getting divorced and their attorneys to make the process work.

Older couples are choosing gray divorce over unhappy retirement

Retirement is finally a time to relax; at least that is the idea. An unhappy marriage induces stress, especially when parents can no longer focus on raising their children. Retired couples spend more time together than they ever have before. A growing number of aging adults refuse the prospect of being in an unhappy marriage when retirement arrives.

Strategies to ease the headache of a toxic divorce

Individuals going through a divorce in Illinois are likely to experience heartache and conflict even in the best of cases. However, those who are divorcing a toxic spouse could have it a lot worse. When it comes to divorcing a narcissist or high-conflict individual, there are a few ways to remove the toxicity from the process.

First, get everything in writing. It's a good idea to make notes of all communications with a toxic ex. In many cases, it's best to limit communication to written methods like email, text and messages sent between attorneys. Written communication serves as its own record and can often be used as evidence during family court proceedings. It can also make communications less combative as the writing process requires reflection that spoken communication does not.

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