Your amicable divorce and the folks who do not understand

On Behalf of | Jun 27, 2018 | Uncategorized

People in a wide range of situations want to divorce without a fight. This can happen even if cheating, gambling, addiction or other issues are present. You do not need to explain to anyone why you would prefer to divorce amicably, but you could cite children, moving on as quickly as possible or mistakes made on both sides.

It can be really frustrating when you and your spouse have done everything that you can to make the divorce friendly, yet people such as your parents, friends or siblings may not understand and try to interfere. For instance, if your parents are babysitting the children and your spouse picks them up, your parents could get in several hurtful, snide remarks about how you “really” feel. Similarly, your siblings might bad-mouth your ex to your children. What can you do in such cases?

Communicate clearly and set boundaries

When interference happens, it is time to explain again that you are aiming for a divorce without fights and that your loved ones’ interference is putting that at risk. Explain what could happen if the divorce does not go well. It could affect the children, for example, or mean that your family gets fewer holidays with them.

If your relatives do not seem to get the message (or even if they do), it may be time to set firmer boundaries. For instance, if relatives are bad-mouthing your ex to your children, limit these relatives’ access to the kids or cut them off until they can cooperate. This may lead to rifts, but you are not the one who caused them, and divorcing on friendly terms is your priority. It can be hard to set these boundaries if your loved ones have always been the meddling type, and counseling might help.

As for how to handle comments such as, “He treated you so badly, and now you are bending over backward to ensure the kids get to see him,” reply graciously. Something like, “We both made mistakes, and we have agreed to keep private details between us. We have also agreed to put the kids first and to ensure we both get quality time with them. Please stop bringing this up,” will hopefully do the trick. 

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